Gerrymandering

For those of you who don't know, gerrymandering is the practice of redrawing district lines for the purpose of favoring one party over another. It's named after Elbridge Gerry, the governor of Massachusetts from 1810-1812 who apparently is the first genius to try this. Witness the 4th Congressional District of Illinois, one of the most awesome things ever created. Look at that thing. It looks like something Trig Palin might draw (seriously, you suck Sarah Palin).



Why, you might ask, is it shaped like something an Alaskan infant with Down's syndrome would draw? It's designed to contain 2 primarily Hispanic neighborhoods in the Chicago area. See that little strip on the left there? Yeah, that's an interstate; literally nobody lives there. All the surrounding areas are in different districts. I can't say enough how much I love that this exists. It is just to hilarious for me to even properly describe. Seriously though, this is really a problem in our country and it needs to stop. I only laugh at it because 1) its funny as shit, 2) seriously...its really funny (I mean did you look at it?), and 3) if I don't laugh at it I might vomit with rage because of how terrible it is. Stop hurting America.


Pull your head out of your ass Gerrymandering.

Chad Javon Ocho Cinco

[Hating is not always healthy. To paraphrase Pat Bateman, it can dry your skin out and make you look old. Sometimes hating is just not appropriate either. We here at PYHOOYA are all about growing and evolving as a site. Therefore we are instituting a new feature that will appear randomly and keep you on your toes. You ready for this shit? This. Is. Continue Pissing Excellence.]

Unless you competely suck as a person (See: HUTA) then you follow the NFL and are well aware that, in a moment of pure brilliance, Chad Johnson legally changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco. This bears repeating, Chad Johnson legally changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco. This move makes everything I've ever done in my entire life (helping vaccinate children against malaria in the Amazon, climbing Mount Everest, brokering multilateral peace talks with North Korea) seem like a junior high spelling bee. The Bengals have now honored his new found legal identity and will list Johnson as Ocho Cinco for all club business. This includes, and my hat is off, the back of his jersey. Hell fucking yes.



So for our inaugural edition of Continue Pissing Excellence, I nominate Chad Javon Ocho Cinco as the only man, no, legend, worthy of this historic prize.

Continue pissing excellence Ocho Cinco.

Angelo Mozilo

This post may seem a bit obscure, but it is necessary for reasons to be made known shortly. Angelo Mozilo is the former CEO of Countrywide Financial, which accounts for roughly 20% of the mortgage lending in the country (READ: Subprime policy of lending money to families with less than $1000 in disposable). He was also the cofounder of IndyMac Federal Bank, which recently became the second largest bank failure in United States history.

Now it seems that I have set him up to knock him down on his general failures in life. You'd think so. However, take a look at him.



On the left there, this is what Angelo Mozilo looks like. It's like an Oompa Loompa and Frank Sinatra had a kid. Is that really his skin color? Is he the father of every sorority girl in the country? I don't really have much to say besides directing you to the above picture or to this Google Image gallery. Tread lightly, this level of tan has only been achieved by a certain rare breed of guidos located near Asbury Park on the Jersey Shore. You've been warned.

Pull your head out of your ass Mozilo.

Sarah Palin

[Disclaimer: We here at PYHOOYA do not take a political standing, while we do have our opinions this is a forum for hating, and we are equal opportunity haters. We will hate on anyone and anything that gives us the chance.]

Before I commence the dumping, let me first commend you for being the first female vice presidential candidate. (note: While I realize there have been other female vice presidential candidates, none of them had a realistic chance to win (sorry Geraldine Ferraro). So they don't count.) Imagine my glee when you so quickly provided me with a chance to show you the underside of the bus. Honestly, this was such a batting practice fastball that I almost feel bad using it...oh well, fuck yourself.

You have explicitly supported abstinence only sex education programs. Hey, good for you. Much respect for standing so firmly in support of an idea that is unequivocally without support from scientific or statistical data. I'm not sure if anyone told you what happens with abstinence only education but here's a pretty quick breakdown of how shit goes. Teenagers are horny as fuck. You're not gonna stop them from banging like rabbits. Seriously you're not. Surprisingly, telling them not to pork all the time will not actually stop them from doing it. So what do they do? Well...they fuck. I think we've established that. Instead of using some sort of contraception however, they just rawdog it. That leads to? Yep, you guessed it, pregnancies (not to mention increased incidence of STD's). Case in point. Your five months pregnant, 17 year-old daughter.



Pull your head out of your ass Palin.