January, February and March

The gentlemen of PYHOOYA all live, work and play north of the Mason-Dixon. This is because the South sucks, but that’s a post for another day. (I refuse to acknowledge this.) But the problem with living in the Second City is that we have Winter.

It’s not that Winter is inherently bad, sometimes it’s almost refreshing for the temperature to drop. Until about…fucking January, when it’s time for Winter to go back from whence it came. I could live in an eternal cycle of April-December. Think about it, you shake off the hangover from New Year’s and greet a beautiful Spring day knowing that the weather will continue to get warmer. About September or so, when you are getting sick of sweating like the Fail Bus Driver, it starts to cool off. It gets all Fall-ish in time for you to be outdoorsy in the sense of drinking and tailgating outside. Then it gets cold and snowy just in time for Christmas and New Year’s. Perfect.

Now I know we just endorsed Obama, but after that straight up beat down that he just threw on McCain, it’s no longer “cool,” “hip” and “progressive” to support Obama. I’m done with him. I’m running for president against him in 2012.

My platform? Building a dome around the United States. The people will control the weather. We can put it to a vote in every major metropolitan area (except Denver and Hawaii which stay snowy and tropical respectively). Chicago also doesn’t get a vote. I’m keeping it on the ol’ April-December schedule. Will the dome fuck up Canada's weather? Who the fuck cares, EH?

What’s that you say? Speech?

Hello, fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot. Weather, it’ll be better. Sun. The democratic vote for me is right thing to do, America, so do.



Pull your head out of your ass January, February and March.